The Formal Letter (week 2)
Dear Prof Brad Blackstone,
My full name is Liow Wee Lun, Louis but you can address me
as Louis. I am a student from Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building
Services) degree programme taking this effective communication module. This is a self introduction letter to you.
I had graduated from Republic Polytechnic with a Diploma in Industrial
and Operation Management in 2018. Through my polytechnic diploma, I had the
opportunity to take up modules such as engineering design, mathematics for
engineering and engineering cost decisions. My interest in engineering grew
deeper after taking these modules as I got to learn the different types of
engineering theories and concepts.
One communication strength that I have is I am willing to
work well together with my team members by listening to their suggestions and feedback openly and wholeheartedly. This will create a positive team
environment within the group. This would also result in a productive
atmosphere, open and honest communication and compassionate team members. In
contrast, one communication weakness I have is public speaking. I tend to feel anxious
and nervous in front of a huge audience. It affects me greatly as it makes
me stutter on my words and losing in my train of thought.
The two goals that I want to achieve through this module are
to have confidence in public speaking and to improve on my writing skills. In
terms of public speaking, I want to have confidence in presenting my ideas
clearly and to engage and involve the audience with my presentation. In terms of
writing skills, I would like to learn on how to write in a clearer and more concise way as this would benefit in getting my points across. I would also want to have good content,
organization and language use in all my individual and team assignments.
What differentiates me from others is my medical condition, right hemiparesis. With this medical condition, sometimes it makes me hesitate and reserve in revealing my emotion or opinions. This also relates to my weakness in public speaking as I find it difficult to express my thoughts and ideas to a huge audience. I wish that through this effective communication module, I am able to be more expressive in conveying my thoughts and opinions.
I hope that after reading this letter, you will be able to know and understand me better.
Best Regards,
Louis Liow
Revised as of 02/10/2020 1542 Hours
Read on Jin Yong's and Eryn's
Thank you, Louis, for this letter. I look forward to seeing the comments from your peer readers, and then I'll chime in.
ReplyDeleteDear Louis,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing about yourself and I felt that I know you better after this! It is also a well written letter and I enjoyed reading this.
Firstly, the content is sufficient and informative, especially when your share about your goals in this module. You have also written all the points required in this letter, and elaborated it clearly.
Secondly, in terms of organization, in my opinion, you hit all the 7Cs required in communication. You did well especially in the concrete and coherent part! In terms of concrete, you shared and explained your points very clearly, and you were very specific with it. In terms of coherent, you letter flows well and makes lots of sense, and I commend you for it.
Lastly, in terms of language, I did not spot any obvious mistakes regarding language use, and I feel that the letter is clear and concise. It is a well written letter nevertheless and I feel that you should trust yourself more in your writing!
Hope to interact with you more, and to see you open yourself up more in class!
Cheers,
JY
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteDear JY,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my letter and provided me with the feedback that I could improve on.
Regards,
Louis
Dear Louis,
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this letter. After reading it, I feel that I've learnt more about you, your past, your strength and your weaknesses. This letter is well written but there are certain parts you can improve on, mainly on the sentence structure.
This letter is answering all the questions from the assignment with a good explaination and the content in it is sufficient. For your strength and weaknesses, I like how you have them backed up with illustrations.
I like how you relate your medical condition to your weakness in communication. Very brave of you to include that in. Nevertheless, it is a well written letter with sufficient information to let the readers know more about you, I think you actually could've elaborated a little more in your interest for engineering.
Hope to see you share a little more about your interest in engineering. A few more writings and I think you will be good in no time!
Regards,
Donovan
Dear Donovan,
DeleteThank you for reading the letter and giving me feedback on improving the sentence structure in my letter. I will improve on them on the next revised version.
Regards,
Louis
Dear Louis,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this introductory letter which allowed me to know you slightly better.
Firstly on content, the letter fulfilled on the requirements and the requirements were well explained. Organisation wise, the letter was structured well and there was a good flow to it.
However, language use needs improvement in my opinion. The sentence "My interest in engineering grow deeper after taking these modules as I get to learn the different types of engineering theories and concepts" should be in past tense as this already occurred. This sentence "I tend to feel anxious and nervous in front of a huge audience, these affected me greatly as it makes me stutter on my words and losing in my train of thought" has tense and word form issues. The phrase 'In term of writing skills', the 'term' should have an s included. There are a few other issues that needs rectification in several parts of the letter.
Overall, this letter is very informative. It should be good after rectifying the grammar mistakes present.
Regards,
Joel
Dear Joel,
DeleteThank you for the peer review of my letter. Language use has been one of my weakness in written English. I will correct them in my next revised version.
Regards,
Louis
Dear Louis,
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for your sharing in this detailed and informative letter. We readers learning a lot about you, both in what you choose to share and the way that you do that. I'm happy to know that you feel comfortable enough in our group to be willing to share about your medical condition and about your comm skills weakness. Our sessions do require that sort of openness for everyone to be able to work together to improve their skills.
It's also nice to hear how you feel about your comm skills strengths, which boil down to empathy, with the result being seen in the operative phrase, 'a productive atmosphere, open and honest communication and compassionate team members'. This all warms my heart.
There are a few language issues you need to consider:
1. sentence structure
-- I tend to feel anxious and nervous in front of a huge audience, it affects me greatly as it makes me stutter on my words and losing in my train of thought. > (comma splice) ?
-- By doing so, it will create a positive team environment within the group. > (dangling modifier) ?
2. verb use
-- This also relate to (subject-verb agreement)
I look forward to facilitating you and your peers' growth this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for the feedback given to me. I have corrected my mistakes and revised them.
Regards,
Louis Liow